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Write about something you are proud of yourself for challenge

What are you proud of yourself for?


    I’ve always had a thing for reading quotes. It always amazes me when quotes appear and it’s related to your specific situation. Cheryl Strayed once said, “You don’t have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt with. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding”. There have been many times when I have thought, man I have been dealt a sh** hand of cards but somehow I managed to play them. I have experienced difficult times, where I have felt I have lost myself and needed to reinvent myself. Everyone goes through difficult times, like I have mentioned in my first blog, no one is discriminated against when it comes to hard times.I am challenging you to write about something you are proud of yourself for. Here is mine. 

    It's the fall of 2015, I have been back to college for a few weeks getting settled into the new semester with two more semesters left until my undergraduate degree is finished. The semester was off to a good start, it was great to see my college friends again and start back into our college lifestyle.

    I woke up on September 17th, and started into my daily routine, little did I know that in a few hours, 9.17.2015 would always be remembered as the worst day of my life. It was Thursday and during that semester I didn’t have classes on Fridays, so my bags were packed and I was ready to start the weekend with my fiance after what I thought was going to be just another normal predictable day. I spent the morning at the elementary school I had been volunteering at, then I met my friends to grab a coffee before our educational psychology class. I remember having a great class, walking out of Main Hall and telling my friends to have a great weekend, that I would be back Sunday night. After digging my phone out of my bag, I had two missed calls from my fiance. I assumed he was done with work early and wanted to meet for a late lunch. When I called him back, he answered frantically, asking where I was. “I’m going back to my car at my apartment, then I’m leaving for the weekend”, was my response (there was some annoyance because he knew this). In the next few seconds, my world was turned upside down and completely shattered. Drew said, there has been an emergency, your uncle called me and said I need to come pick you up and take you home, something has happened with your dad. I don’t even remember the walk from campus to my apartment, all I remember was I was in the driveway, I had my purse out of my car and I was walking down the road to the highway to meet Drew. While waiting for him, I called everyone in my family, and finally my aunt answered. I asked her what had happened and if my dad was dead. All she said was, “Let Drew bring you home, I love you” and she hung up on me.

    I am still haunted by that drive home, I will never forget coming around the bin and seeing all the cars at my house, the whole small town of Cameron, WV seemed to be at my house. I was standing in the garage with Drew and my aunt as they took my dad away on the stretcher, and that was the last time I ever saw him. My cousin Susie came up to me and she said, “Kayla, I want you to remember you have the rest of your life to live”. My dad was cremated and laid to rest three days later. I had no idea how to get back on track, let alone live out the rest of my life, I was completely heart broken, I felt abandoned; because not only was I grieving the death of a parent, I was grieving the loss of a parent due to suicide, which is a whole different level of grief that I will discuss at a later time.  

    The thing I am most proud of myself for, is during that hard time, I not only returned to college, but I managed to finish college, become a certified teacher and carry on with my life when I thought it was over. This did not happen overnight, there were countless sleepless nights, picking myself up off the floor crying and days I didn’t want to go on living myself. However, I managed to take that pain and turn it into drive (with many failures/ mistakes) and I am following Susie's instructions by living the rest of my life.

    Now in 2023, I am raising a family and have a Masters Degree. The person I am now in 2023 is completely different from the person in 2015, but I wouldn’t be who I am without the person in 2015. I had every reason in the world to give up and say F**k it, but I didn’t, I decided to do something with my life. If I can survive 9.17.2015, then believe that you can do anything you want with your life. Some days are still very hard, and I think this is something I will grieve forever, but I am also proud of myself for what I have overcome. If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, I encourage you to find ways to give yourself some self love.


Things that have helped me:
Friends / Family
Counseling 
Self Care
Reading
Audio Books / Podcast
Writing
Setting Goals







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